Apr

15

Children Challenges

Posted by Leave a Comment

Are you stressed out by your kids?  Is it straining your relationship?

I love my son so much it hurts.  And other times… Well, you know, it hurts a different way.  Kids are like that.

Children are endless source of both enormous joy AND tremendous enormous stress, and if you don’t watch out that stress can sink an otherwise great relationship.  

The challenges related to getting pregnant and raising children are far too numerous (trust me: far, far too numerous) to review in a short article like this so let me concentrate where I see couples endure the most conflict: infancy and the late teens.

 

Endless wailing, sleepless nights, a non-stop stream of dirty diapers…

 

A newborn child will stress even the strongest relationship.

 

Their constant need (and loud demands) to be fed, cleaned and held are exhausting and frustrating.  There’s just no short-cut around the physical and mental exhaustion and, quite frequently, financial strain. 

 

So long as the baby is being taken care of parents must remember that they’re still, well, a couple. 

 

It is tempting (even natural) to put your child ahead of everything and everyone else but that will eventually rob you, your partner and your relationship of the spark it needs to endure and thrive, a spark I’m sure you’d want to hold onto as a model for your child as they grow up.

 

The hardest lesson for most parents is learning that they can still love their child while letting them cry.  In fact, its necessary.

 

Obviously the number one most important thing is to make sure that your child (especially newborn child) is safe and attended to.  However, running to hold and soothe your child at the first whimper programs them to expect the world to be at their beck and call and, most likely, set them up to experience profound disappointment later in life when the world doesn’t treat them quite that way.

 

Love and nurture your child AND love and nurture your wife or husband. 

 

Wanna’ try a free private coaching session? 

 

Get into the habit of cherishing your relationship with each other early to make sure you both have enough energy to stand together as the child grows older and tries to play you against each other to get what they want (and trust me, this will happen).  And when they’re a bit older…

 

Your goal is to create a responsible adult.

 

Teenagers will also drive you crazy.  They’re still exploring, experimenting and rebelling, just now in ways that can wreck your ego (or your car).  These are the years for your child to discover their own identity, values and place in the world.  Many parents try to make their children little versions of themselves but this is a mistake.

 

Therapists’ offices are filled with patients suffering from anxiety, depression, and mid-life crises brought about by never discovering themselves when they were younger.  Give your child the gift of this time of exploration even if it’s difficult for you.

 

A teenager might try to form an alliance with one parent against the other.  This is very dangerous and destructive and all the more reason for both parents to be clear, consistent, and maintain a unified front about the house rules, expectations of the child and discipline.

 

If you are successful as a parent your child will grow into an independent, responsible and respectable.  They will move out of the nest and leave you alone with your partner.  As much as parents often look forward to this they often discover a hole in their marriage because they’d been so focused on their child (or children).  Never lose the center of gravity of your marriage so that you remain vibrant lovers when all you have left at home is yourselves.  

 

Finally…

 

There will be times your angry at your spouse.  Make sure to not bad-mouth your spouse in front of your child or create an alliance with your children against your spouse because this is a kind of poison that destroys families from the inside out.  

 

If you are angry, frustrated or disappointed with your husband or wife then take immediate steps to repair your relationship.  Counselors and coaches are excellent resources to help you repair what’s gone off-course.  

 

You and your partner are equals in creating these lives and teaching them about the world and you need to stay strong allies for each other and for them.

 

Children are fascinating, maddening and adorable (usually all at the same time).  Make sure that you, your partner and your relationship are ready for the hard work and likely changes to your lifestyle before taking on the special magic of parenthood.

 

 

Tags:

Category: Marriage

About the Author ()

Guy Ardito is an in-demand coach, trainer and founder of Relate U., an initiative dedicated to creating a better world through extraordinary relationships. Guy helps his clients overcome even the most complex challenges with humor and creativity, skills honed with decades of experience solving relationship problems in both corporate and personal arenas. As a certified Master Coach, Strategic Interventionist and Relationship and Marriage Educator, Guy has helped singles and couples resolve conflicts, reignite passions, and experience the love they’ve always wanted. He’s proud to live in New York with his extraordinary wife and their beautiful son.

Leave a Reply