Apr

24

Trust issues?

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Are you trusting enough?

If you want a loving, lasting and happy relationship then there’s one thing that you’ve got to cultivate like the most exquisite treasure.  And that is trust. 

Building a relationship is really just the process of building trust.  Whether we’re looking for evidence that somebody is worthy of our trust or evidence that they’re not we’re still going through the same process of figuring out whether the other person has our best interests at heart.

You feel trust when you feel that your lover cares about what you need.  When your paramour skips a concert they were looking forward to so they can nurse you back to health, well, that helps build trust.  

 

In our modern tech-driven world there’s a lot of trust (and mis-trust) developed around texting and emailing.  Does your paramour hide the screen?  That’s a pretty big ding in the trust department.  Do they give you the password to their email?  That’s a huge positive and good reason to trust them.

 

Trust is also built in times of stress or crisis when we experience the other person putting our needs first.  Trust is so powerful because it goes right to our earliest life experiences as babies when we couldn’t do anything for ourselves.  My son needs me for literally everything and in reality he won’t be able to take care of himself for a very long time (I’m hoping for something less than 25 years but we’ll have to wait and see).

 

Because our very survival depends upon years and years of trust it’s no surprise that the destiny of our love life will be guided by it as well.

 

A relationship without trust a relationship will be fragile, lonely and miserable.  Have you ever been there?  I sure have and those are the times to either fix it (if it can be fixed) or break it off and move on to someone better.  

 

But you know what?

 

If you find yourself feeling this way over and over again then you might want to step back and consider how you could be be contributing.  Maybe those exes have been untrustworthy but for some reason you keep picking that kind of person.

 

Click to learn how private coaching can help.

 

The problem might not be consistently your fault but you are the consistent factor.

 

So, if that’s your situation then step back and consider if there’s something consistent that’s attracting you to them.  You also want to consider if your exes actually are pretty decent people but you just have a hard time with trust.  There’s no shame in that, and if that’s the case and you recognize it then you can start taking steps to repair your ability to trust and get on the fast-track to love.

 

Knowing that your partner will be there to catch you if you fall is reassuring and liberating.  Knowing that somebody cares about you, thinks about you and takes care of you is one of life’s great joys.  That is love.

 

In the early stages together it’s crucial to establish trust by showing that you value each other’s wants and needs as much as, and sometimes even more than your own.

 

And trust is also necessary for a fantastic sex life.

 

Men, listen up: if you want a physical relationship then you must become a master at earning trust.  Trust is crucial for your woman to feel safe and open up into physical intimacy with you. 

 

Simple equation: no trust = no sex, lots of trust = monkey love.  Really, it’s that simple.

 

Now you know what to do, and while establishing trust is simple it might not be easy.  It means that you might not get what you want when you want it.  Trust (and love) is about the other person, it’s about the joy of giving.

   

You’ll enjoy the rewards when you put your partner first, spontaneously do things to make them happy, and take care of them when they need help.  That’s really the only way (and thankfully its pretty simple).

 

Here’s an exercise for you: surprise your lover with some treat they enjoy, cheesecake, Thai food, Thai food WITH cheesecake, whatever!  Get tickets for a movie or show THEY want to see and make a special date for them, especially if it’s something that’s not “your” speed.  Spend time to really understand what will make them feel good, feel taken care of, feel understood, and then go out and DO those things!  Pay it forward.

 

 

 

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Category: Relationship

About the Author ()

Guy Ardito is an in-demand coach, trainer and founder of Relate U., an initiative dedicated to creating a better world through extraordinary relationships. Guy helps his clients overcome even the most complex challenges with humor and creativity, skills honed with decades of experience solving relationship problems in both corporate and personal arenas. As a certified Master Coach, Strategic Interventionist and Relationship and Marriage Educator, Guy has helped singles and couples resolve conflicts, reignite passions, and experience the love they’ve always wanted. He’s proud to live in New York with his extraordinary wife and their beautiful son.

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