Apr

8

Overcoming Betrayal

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Have you been cheated on?  Lied to?  Taken advantage of?  Or just plain “let down” by someone you love?

 

It feels like a Mike Tyson punch to the gut.  It can even feel hopeless.

 

But there IS hope.  

 

Do you want to know how to rebuild your relationship?

  

Betrayal comes in many forms. 

 

The most easily recognized is infidelity but anything which breaks one or both partner’s sense of trust fits the bill.  Examples of betrayals include:

  • accepting a promotion after promising to work less and spend more time home
  • agreeing to have children and then changing their mind
  • taking sides against their partner in any argument with a 3rd party
  • taking money saved for a home and splurging on a car

 

Trust works like a bank account.

 

We gain “deposits” when we do things which enhance our partner’s sense of trust in us and experience “withdrawals” when we do things which call it into question. 

 

A big balance means lots of security.  A balance close to zero means that the relationship is fragile, and negative balance is a big warning sign that the relationship is ‘on the brink’ and could even fall apart over something minor.  But…

 

Trust CAN be restored.

 

Do you want personalized help?

 

This five-step exercise by renowned therapist Cloe Madanes is remarkably successful at restoring trust:

  1. Declare your love for your partner and your absolute commitment to them
  2. Step into your partner’s shoes and appreciate what they’ve gone through
  3. Keep loving your partner as they express all of their disappointment, upset and pain
  4. Find a common vision for the relationship that turns both of you on
  5. Seal the deal with mutual affection

 

If you want these steps to work then you’ve to make sure and do each one completely and in exact order presented.  Getting stuck at sharing mutual affection means one or more of the previous steps weren’t completed successfully.  But don’t worry, just go back and try again until you’re successful!

 

Finally, it takes two to tango.

 

Repairing a relationship requires both partners to take part.  If you’ve been hurt then, if you’ve shared a love, look deep inside and be willing to truly forgive and move forward.  So long as you’re stuck on your hurt and resentment the relationship will remain fragile and you’ll both experience hurt instead of the joy, trust and love that’s possible.  In fact its even possible to experience a relationship that’s stronger than it was before.  

 

Every relationship is a journey with its own highs and lows.  Stay present to love, search your heart and enjoy the trip. 

 

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Category: Marriage

About the Author ()

Guy Ardito is an in-demand coach, trainer and founder of Relate U., an initiative dedicated to creating a better world through extraordinary relationships. Guy helps his clients overcome even the most complex challenges with humor and creativity, skills honed with decades of experience solving relationship problems in both corporate and personal arenas. As a certified Master Coach, Strategic Interventionist and Relationship and Marriage Educator, Guy has helped singles and couples resolve conflicts, reignite passions, and experience the love they’ve always wanted. He’s proud to live in New York with his extraordinary wife and their beautiful son.

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