Apr

15

Overcoming shyness

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Do you have trouble introducing yourself or meeting people you’re attracted to?

Shyness hurts and can kill your love life before it even gets started.

So do you want to learn the simple truth that can get you past it and into the dating game? 

Let me tell you, I used to be painfully shy.  Really, REALLY shy.  But I knew that if I wanted a relationship I had to push through that.  Honestly, it was hard work but now that I’ve got my wife and baby it was totally worth it.  

 

Are you ready to get that handled and get the love you want?  I bet you are! 


Shy women might not capture a man’s attention or get misunderstood as uninterested or cold.


Shy men have it even worse!  A shy man likely won’t be meeting or talking to women in the first place, much less getting a date.  

 

It was VERY frustrating but I finally discovered a weird secret that really turned it around.  Here it is.

 

We ALL want to “look good”.  That is, be seen as accomplished, smart, worthwhile.  And we all fear looking bad, having somebody think we said something foolish or did something awkward, especially someone we’re attracted to and want to make a good impression on.  This really is true of everyone, and more sensitive people will typically be that much more shy.  

 

And perfectionists?  Let me tell you, perfectionists are at risk of shyness because, well, perfectionists want to get it ALL right!  (And I’m a recovering perfectionist as well!)

 

Ready for the secret?

 

You’ll overcome your shyness by understanding the REAL problem is that you’re focusing too much on yourself: what YOU’RE feeling, what YOU’RE thinking, what YOU’RE seeing, what YOU’RE hearing.

 

It’s right to be tuned in to yourself, its just that when it comes to love we’ve got to be tuned in to the other person at least as much if not more.  After all, love is something we give.

 

I know you care about people but you’re probably also caring a lot about what those people think of YOU, and that’s a no-no.  Know yourself, be yourself, take care of yourself, and in the love game focus on making others feel good.

 

My coaching clients ALWAYS come around to recognizing this truth when I put it to them this way:

 

“If you were TRULY focused on being attractive and helping your date (or potential date) have a good time then you wouldn’t be thinking about yourself so much and wouldn’t be feeling that anxiety.”

 

Shyness really is simply the result of worrying more about what other people think of you than what you can do for them.  The key to overcoming shyness is simply recognizing that success in love will come from focusing on making others feel good.  

  

Values are the key.  Because people who are shy so often care about others its very common for them to overcome it when they realize that being shy really goes against their values.  Our values are the strongest determiners of what we do (and won’t do).  When we understand and live in accordance with them we really can accomplish amazing things.

 

Here’s a quick exercise for you.  Often I’ll help clients create an “alter ego” for themselves that is outgoing, happy, confident and sexy.  They can channel someone they know (like an actor or musician) or totally make it up; whichever path feels better is the right path for you.  If this sounds interesting to you then try it out, you can even create a different name for this ‘alternate’ you.  Practice at home and then, when you’re out, you can pretend to be this ‘other person’ and act the way they’d act and talk the way they’d talk.  People get some pretty wild results when they try this out and have fun with it, so go for it!

 

When you’re ready for personalized training and coaching we’re here to really accelerate your progress; the first session is free.

 

Tags:

Category: Dating

About the Author ()

Guy Ardito is an in-demand coach, trainer and founder of Relate U., an initiative dedicated to creating a better world through extraordinary relationships. Guy helps his clients overcome even the most complex challenges with humor and creativity, skills honed with decades of experience solving relationship problems in both corporate and personal arenas. As a certified Master Coach, Strategic Interventionist and Relationship and Marriage Educator, Guy has helped singles and couples resolve conflicts, reignite passions, and experience the love they’ve always wanted. He’s proud to live in New York with his extraordinary wife and their beautiful son.

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