Apr

23

Ready for love?

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Do you feel stuck in some kind of “singleton” purgatory?  Yeah, I’ve been there.  Everyone else has got a significant other (or even spouse) except you.

But you know what?  There IS a simple process that will show you the way out and into love.  

Really.

If you feel stuck in this situation there’s a pretty good chance that even though you may want to be in a relationship you might not be quite committed enough to having one, which means (and I don’t mean to sound harsh) that you’re not quite ready for love and a relationship.  We all want the magic of love and relationship but the reality is that they all take work.  Work like recognizing what we need to do differently and then actually doing that thing differently.  Yeah, I know, work sucks.  But you know what?  The reward for that work makes it all worthwhile. 

And you know what?  I used to be one of those people myself.  It took a lot of frustration and a big leap before I finally saw that *I* was the one standing in my own way.  Now I’m what you’d call a “true believer”.  

My coaching clients appreciate that experience as I help them uncover why they’re stuck in the “single zone” and then (of course) get past it and get into some hot monkey love.  When you’re ready to get started with personalized training and coaching we’re here, the first session is free.

Let me share a few possible reasons for your single hood and see if any of them resonate for you.

Here are three reasons you’re “stuck” being single:

  1. You’re not meeting the “right” people
  2. You’re rejecting the “right” people
  3. You’re not attractive to the “right” people

Do any those sound familiar to you?  Which seems like it might fit you?

The people who seem to magically “fall” in love everyday, everywhere around you recognize these pitfalls and do the work to rise above them, whether or not they consciously realize it.

And they overcome it by doing one of two things differently than you: either their expectations and standards are different from yours or they’re giving off a different kind of energy.  This can sometimes be difficult to see for ourselves and is one of the things I help my personal coaching clients break through.  

If the desire for love is part of being human and universal then why do so many people seem to have a harder time than ever connecting, finding the spark and keeping it burning?

In my experience people who are “permanently single” are usually focusing a whole lot more on what they can get from a relationship instead of what they can bring to a relationship.  

And if you are coming from a place of giving and generosity?

 

In that case its time to take some lessons from business, marketing, and sales.  I know that doesn’t sound sweet and romantic but truth is truth and that’s where the answers are.  So here’s the plan:

 

First, you’ve got to meet the kind of people that you’re interested in AND who will be interested in you.  It’s no use meeting people you’re not into, and it’s a problem if the people you’re into aren’t, well, that into you.

 

Sounds easy but clearing this hurdle means understanding yourself and taking responsibility for the messages that you’re sending (or NOT sending).

 

Imagine that your job is to sell a product; what do you need to do?  The laws of selling are straight-forward:

  1. understand your product
  2. know who your product is good for 
  3. find those people
  4. make them feel they need your product

 

In the game of the love the product is YOU!  How good a job are you doing at “selling” yourself?

 

And what if you are meeting possible partners but don’t seem to be connecting with any that really interest you?  

 

Take another page from sales and marketing!

 

Successful companies decide who they want their customer to be and do the work to really understand that customer.  THEN they brainstorm products that would be appealing to that customer before trying to sell them anything. 

 

In the game of love your potential dates are effectively your customers so think about what they want and how to give it to them.  Give enough people what they want and when you find someone who gives you what you want, voila!  Connection!

 

Take a lesson from Japanese auto manufacturers whose cars are world-renowned for amazing and consistent high quality.  Apply the same lessons Japanese manufacturing uses and become the most attractive “you”. 

 

Continually look at what you can improve about yourself and then go out and do it.  Or stay in and do it, whichever is appropriate.  The point is, DO IT!  Remember, there’s nothing wrong with you but there are always opportunities to become even better, and the better we are the better partner we can attract and (most importantly) keep.  Be your best and get some great love!

 

 

 

Tags:

Category: Dating

About the Author ()

Guy Ardito is an in-demand coach, trainer and founder of Relate U., an initiative dedicated to creating a better world through extraordinary relationships. Guy helps his clients overcome even the most complex challenges with humor and creativity, skills honed with decades of experience solving relationship problems in both corporate and personal arenas. As a certified Master Coach, Strategic Interventionist and Relationship and Marriage Educator, Guy has helped singles and couples resolve conflicts, reignite passions, and experience the love they’ve always wanted. He’s proud to live in New York with his extraordinary wife and their beautiful son.

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